This my friends is Smitty. Smitty is my sons guinea pig. Smitty has very big…um er um well lets just say Smitty is well endowed. We had no problems telling this little creature was a male. Have I told you I am not a fan of animals? I really am not. I tolerate them.
And have even become somewhat attached to this hairy mongrel.
This is Jack. He’s five. And his shedding drives me to drink.
Then we have another pig that belongs to my oldest daughter. She begged for this pig from they day she come out of my womb. She loves this pig. I could definitely live with out it.
Say hello to Penny. Penny was the star of one of my very first blog posts, and this post. (If you have been sitting on pins and needles wondering if Penny had her babies yet. Well, sorry that was a false alarm. She must have just been going through puberty or something.) If you have all your laundry done, underwear drawer organized, floors mopped, ears cleaned, garbage taken out, Christmas cards done, toenails cut…well then you can read all about Penny the survival pig.
But now lets get back to Smitty and his very large…hrrhmmm. Oh Land-a-Goshen the things we won’t do for our kids. All of a sudden from the far reaches of our home, not that our home is far reaching or anything, my son screams “MOOOAAAMMM, come look at Smitty’s b_ _ _ s “. Well I have seen enough of this pigs stuff in the year that he has lived in our home, so I did what I do, I ignored my sons screams. I am not proud of the fact that I ignore my screaming children, but it is a fact, so get over it. After awhile I sought Luke out, curiosity had gotten the best of me. “Hey Buddy, what’s up with the pigs scrotum?”
“Oh yeah mom look at this, a wood chip got stuck to Smitty’s b_ _ _ s”
“What the hector, how does that happen and then why is it a problem, can’t you just pull it off?”
“No, mom it’s stuck”
“Let me see…ewww, OOO, eeee, OH MY, What the? Sweet mother….yes indeed my son your guinea pig does have something stuck to his…stuff down there.”
At this point I was feeling whoozy. Of course my E.R. doctor husband was not home and I was thinking what does this pig have growing out of his “stuff”. It did look like a wood chip. (His cage bedding is wood chips, but they are fine and soft, not like wood chips in your landscaping.) I was thinking, Oh Lord this pig has a tumor growing out of his hairy privates, and what does one do with that.
“Hey Bud?” As I am lifting the pig up staring intently at his privates.
“Yeh Mom”
“I don’t think this is a wood chip, I think Smitty has an infection or a tumor or a growth our possibly and abscess. He could be sick. We could have to put him to sleep.(I say hopefully) Can you handle that?”
“Yeh…I would be Ok”
“I wish your dad were here.”
“Me too mom.”
So then we gave the pig a good old sitz bath, and waited for Kenny to get home. He loves this kinda stuff. He waltzed right in there, looked Smitty in the eye told him he was going to be alright, yanked the scabby, crusty mass from the pigs privates, gave it a quick squeeze…
“No puss, Luke I think he’s fine, just keep an eye on it and keep his cage clean.”
I think I feel whoozy again.
“Ok Dad, thanks.”
“No problem Lukey two shoes” (That’s one of the many nicknames Kenny has given his son…don’t ask…I don’t really know.)
That is just how part of my evening went. I also spent about 30 minutes trying to dig Lego’s out of my vacuum cleaner tube. Now it’s time for a snack. Good night!
Thanks for listening…luvya!
Dude.
now that is too good…Ken should get a "fourth job" as a vet! He is so good. You too nurse Strawberry.
Never a dull moment at your house. I have been so busy I haven't had a chance to read you lately. You always make me smile. Hope all is going well. And Smitty is doing well too!
Sheila~
I gotta tell ya, you have more kahoona's than I!! Even lookin' at that thing would have made me pass out!
ps, thanks for not photographing Smitty's crown jewels for us all to see. Good call! I can take a little poo, but swelled pig privates would be tough to swallow! š
LOVE your blog!!
Erika Betts
In case you anyone was wondering Smitty is healing wonderfully. You would never know he had a sliver in his stuff down yonder.