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Pilgrims ~ Home Alone

 “Joyous Thanksgiving to you Ma.  What cheer?”.

“And to you Pa..much cheer!   Lookee thee rrruulls.  I’m getting a facial from the steaming hot boons. ”



“Ma, Looks like she’s getting us ready to go.   All packed up for zee trip to zee Seestors.”

“Pa I can’t  wait  to see zee youngins?!”



“Aah ja zee youngins, I can see them now!  All full and pretty sitting on the table. Ja thee I do miss.”


“Pa? Are they gone? Did they fergit us Pa?…say it isn’t so”….sniffle, snurfle, sigh.

“I’m afraid it tis Ma.  The youngin’ packed the box and pushed us aside.”

(long pause, possibly hours)

“He left us this wheeled board Ma, maybe we can have ourselves an adventure.  What is that saying Ma?  While the fox is away….”

“Pa ur shee-nana-guns always bring us misfortune! Remember last year you lay your breetches in down in the puddin, then you convinced me to join you…U R A troublemacher Pa!”

“Pa the hairy Beast….he looketh on us.  Thinkest that he would do us harm?”

“Pa?  Pa??!”

(whistling + skateboarding noises)





“Weeeeeeeee ya hoooo!”

“Paaaaa!” (in the distance Ma can be heard)

“Bro, Dude, Ma…..I totally diamondz that trictionary mongo sick bowl.  Dag that twer sweet!”

“Pa what pray tell are you doing?!”

“Ma! mellow out, don’t get all trippy with me I’m just testin’ out my airfeet…..woo hoo!”

“What on earth speakethst you Pa?!  Come down from there this instant!  You foolhardy Mencsh!  Me thinketh we are not alone, besides the Beast there is some sort of party going on in zee leetle uns sleep quarters…ride your rail down here  Pa.  Let us see what it is all a-boot.”


 “Dude…I mean Ma, hold on to yee herses, where pray tell are you running off too?”

“In here Pa, there are people, possibly a land of leetle salt and pfeffer shakers.”


 “They seem harmless Ma, shall we ask if we may join in their merriment?”



 “Hellooo, hmmmMmmm…HEllooo”

(party noises)



“Ohh the villagers are coming over to greet us….Hellooo…Oh Pa they seem to be running at us…Pa?



“Step back Ma….they look hostile, WE COME IN PEACE, we come to celebrate a day of Thanks with yee.”

“This is Ma, and I am Pppp….whoa, we mean no harm Ahhhh….”



“Off me you evil vermin, I will spew pepper gas at you!”

“Ma zee are strong leetle buggers.  PLEASE STOP we mean you no harm.  We are only explorers from the drawer in the kitchen, we come bringing tidings of Thanks and Giving!”


“Ma ma ma are you OK?  Answer me Ma!”

“Oh Pa…I lost me pepper…doom dispair and agony on me”

“No need to be ashamed Ma, I lost my salt too…AGAIN I TELL YOU WE COME IN THE NAME OF THANKS & GIVING!  Take your puny hands off of mee Bride!”

“Pa what pray tell are they doing?  Where are they taking us?”



 “Ma…the earth is rumbling.  Don’t look now, a locomotive is heading right for us!! What fer a perilous predicament”

(Ma screaming her fool head off….pepper is flying all over.)



“Ma I want you to know….”

(Ma still screaming fool head off)

“PA! Do you hear that?  Someone is coming!”




Insert: Rocky Theme Song



 WAh-CHu TAKE THAT!  Back from the Pilgrims I tell you!


“Pa the Beast stampedeth!”



“RUN fer yer LIFE!”

(sounds of villagers causing a brouhaha)



“Giddy-up hersey!  Deliver us from that fracas!”



“We thank you great hairy Beast for the heroic rescue from the villagers, and our gentle return to the earth.”

“Good Lerd Pa, what cheweth he?  It screecheth so!”

 “Ma you stay back I’m going in for a closer look.’



“NO Pa!  Gads what is that he chompeth on?”



“Ah zee Beast…Ma”

“ARG! What is happening PA!



“STOP you vile beast!  Stop licking my huzband.”

(pa giggle hysterically)

“Ma it tickles Ma hahaha.”



“Now Beast we want to thank you for carrying us to safety and then bathing us with thy tongue.”



“Ma and I are forever beholden to you Beast. What can we do to repay you for heroicly delivering us from the crazed villagers.”

“Hello, what sayeth you?”

“He sayeth nothing, Pa.”

“Well Ma I sayeth we have much to be thankful for this day!”

“Yes Pa, I agree!”


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  1. oh sheila… i forgot from your old blog about your little pilgrim people stories this time of yr. i loved this one! it made me LOL! my son kept say, what mom… so funny. so glad i stopped by today. 😉

    1. I love reading to kids. BUT sometimes I’ma fool and I have been known to cry…depending on the book. One time I read a book about Martin Luther King Jr at the elementary school, and I got the sniffles…embarrassed the heck out of my Noah. Haahahha

  2. Thank You! You ROCKED this episode! Loved the drama, suspense & hilarity!
    Till next year…xxoo to you & Mr. & Mrs. Pilgrim!

  3. Oh what a delightful post to read.
    The story of the pilgrims made me laugh and laugh. Love your stories.
    Maybe you should write a book in you spare time.
    Just returned from a Thanksgiving sermon at our little church.
    Have a great Sunday.

    1. Dorothy, Hello dear Friend! Thanks so much for taking the time to read my kookiness! So thankful for you! Enjoy your Sunday, Sheila

  4. Wow, that was harrowing. So excited I got to wake up to the pilgrim post this morning. Perfectly hilarious , just like you. Love you lady and your kookie sense of humor.

  5. That was hilarious! I often wondered what happens when I leave that mischievous duo out in the open by themselves! My Papa Pilgrim has an unexplained chip on his belt buckle …. hmmm.
    Thanks for the giggles.