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Pilgrims in a Pickle

“Joyous Thanksgiving to you Ma.  What cheer?”.

“And to you Pa..much cheer!   Lookee thee pie.”


“Why hast the wee one moved us to the table?  Pure torture.  Oooo how I love pie, Ma.”

“Pa remember last year, you got us in a bit of a pickle with the relish.  Restraint Pa, restraineth thyself!  Back away from the Pie Pa!”


“What thinkest you?  Could we make it hither….across the great chasm…”

“Why for Pa?”

“I’ve always dreamed of swimming in pumkin pumpkin puddin.”

“Pa has your pepper gone dry?!”


“Tis a long way under Ma…if we could get to the ottoman below.”

“Pray remember me,…I’m going for the tumble Ma.”

“Mary mother of God Pa…… speak to me….”

“OOOomphff…you’ve lost your pepper Pa…pa…PA!

“[sputter, cough, charkle, snark] Ma, mamamamamMA?”

“How do you get us into these predicaments…over and over, year after year.  We could have been broken to bits…smashed to smithereens, cracked down de meedle.  It very well could have been the end of our seasoning careers! [gasp]”

“Settle mah….”

“love Pa, if it twernt for my everlasting foolish love for you Pa…I swear I woulda , I woulda….OOooo Pa, gentle now with thy cap.”

“Steady Ma steady……”

“Now what Pa…now what…now WHAT.  She is right on the other side of the cupboards Pa….she’s going to find us…and put us back…and what of the hairy beast pa?  Have you givin that any thought? HUh?  Pa? pa?”

“Ooo you are so nimble Pa, I find your nimbleness very salty Pa….”

“Seriously Ma…now is not the time to get all spicy.”


“Ma, you can do it. She’s at the water vessel.  Hoist your petticoat, and join me.”


“I feel a exposed Pa, like Adam and Eve…feeling the need to conceal my inequities.”

“Behind the salt feels safe Pa.  Do you feel safe Pa.  Are you afeard Pa? Now what Pa.”

“Shhhh woman!”

“She still worketh at the vessel,  preparing fruit for the pies.”

“Let me see Pa, hoist me Pa, let me looketh upon the vessel of preparation.”

“Aaaah the water runneth”

“OOO the missus cometh!”

“Ma did she say she was going to ‘take a shower’?”

“Yes Pa”

“How long does ‘taking a shower’ last?”

“Not long Pa…that one makes haste with the taking of showers.”

“Pa get your breeches out of the croost!”

“Fetch the pumpkin puddin’ Ma, pour it over mee boots….”

“Pa, Pa?  I think you knocked your stopper loose when you fell from the ottoman!  Seriously Mensch!  Get your hosen outa o ze croost!”

“Fetch the puddin’ woman!”

“Pray pardon me Pa…are you getting feisty with me?!”

“Pray pardon you Ma, you have not seen feist.  Don’t make me get my pepper up!”

“Ja, ja ja….ze puddin’ commeth…”

“UuuHH OOO ‘Himmel I’m in himmellllll, and mee boots feel so sweet, Oh Ma this is lovely.  Join me Ma.”


“Oh Pa, this IS most divine , yet bethink years past.   She gave us a aweful rough rub down….your shee-nana-guns always bring us misfortune!”

“Shush woman….could you enjoy this wonderful spicy soaking…”


[foot steps]

“May the heavens help us Pa, I told you she was a hasty one! doom dispair agony on meeee pa.”


WHAT the….”CECE! CECE! Why’d you put the pilgrims in the pie?  Their holes could get clogged up?!”

“I didn’t mama…I don’t know how they got in the pie.”

[grumble, mumble, sigh, grumble, groooan]

“You’re a silly goose Cec!”

“Whatever, don’t believe me then….”

“This is most humiliating Ma…my breeches are sawgy”

“I will refrain…..”


Harsh frisking.

“Here we go again.  Why does she findeth it so laughable cavorting us so.”

“Oh Pa and now the pulverization of our faces together and chuckling.”

“She’s hysterical Ma. This is most humiliating.”

“I bespoketh you so…..I wasn’t going to say it, but……..bespoketh you…”


“Is this our penance?  Near and yet so far…..”

“Let us look on the bright side, as they say….the Pecan Pie does look lovely doesn’t it Pa?”

“Yes Ma, lovely”

Happy Thanksgiving! Many Blessings to you ALL!


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  1. Sheila, very cute “story”! I was your former hygienist @Dr C’s…miss seeing you and your family at the office and at BSF!!!